hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
