I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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