Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
