If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
