I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
