dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
