He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
