I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
