I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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