Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
