take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
