You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
