Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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