Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
4 words: hood of his car
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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