i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have aggressive nipples.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
