He kissed a someone with a penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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