She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
