Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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