Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
