can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
