Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
