I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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