piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
