Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
