You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm too high and old for this...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize