There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
