I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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