Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize