there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
do nipples grow back?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
