I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
