Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
