Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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