No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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