some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize