I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
