And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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