he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
