he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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