i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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