good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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