I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
