We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just high enough for therapy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
