I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize