i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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