You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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