if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
