we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
