Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
