dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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