No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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