currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
