I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
