where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
