I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize