We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
