I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
