I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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