Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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