this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
