I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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