lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
