i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
