How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
