Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
