Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
