Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize