Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
