you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Jerry, you need to find god
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
