When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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