Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
