If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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