Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
