Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
