I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
