You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
