but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
