we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
