i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
