So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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