Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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