You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
