I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
