sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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