I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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