I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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