...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
