Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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