Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
