grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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