anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
