I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
