The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I didn't notice because vodka
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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