you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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