you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
