I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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