Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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