I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
