a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
