If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
