fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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