the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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