Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
