I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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