I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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