Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
