What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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