Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
