Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
