I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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