I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
