if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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