Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize