I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
