I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
